Bullying Shades of Grey

Posted by behavewellness on August 23, 2018
Posted in: Bullying, Employee Health, Healthy Work Strategies, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

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No, we’re not talking about whips and chains and safe words, although healthcare workers do seem to attract narcissistic lovers more than average. I’m talking about negative work situations that may or may not qualify as bullying, even after familiarization with related definitions.  Let me explain with a story instead of yet another helpful link that might take you away from this life-changing blog post.

I (Nick) am typing this from Greece. It doesn’t rain all summer, and the landscape turns so brown and dry I fear that halitosis from all the garlic I’m eating might set this island ablaze. My first time here, when I was 10 years old, someone scolded me for wasting water while brushing my teeth. I was a precocious, old-soul type of child, so I didn’t resent the scolding (which we Greeks invented about the same time as democracy and geometry). Instead, I thought, “Oh great, I just reinforced this lady’s stereotypes of wasteful Americans.”

Well, just now as I tried to wet my toothbrush with a trickle of water, I realized something. Greek life features many paradoxes. The precious H2O they try to conserve roars out of the faucets like a pressure washer. It wasn’t my fault at age 10. Careless engineers smearing tsanziki and spanakopita filo all over the plumbing blueprints are to blame. I’m not encouraging everyone to search through every memory and find new people at fault in boring stories about indoor plumbing like mine or even life-altering situations. However, re-visiting memories, even those with black and white details lacking shades of gray, does allow for new perspectives–that’s why we emphasize role playing in our anti-bullying programs. Sometimes we can’t see the crucial detail our perspective is missing in the moment or by ourselves.

Perspective

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Granted, the concept of truth gets watered down when we reduce any situation to individual perspectives, but singular perspectives limit learning and creativity. This is the sentence in almost every BEHAVE post with the word “holistic” in it. We don’t naturally focus on what matters while ignoring the microscopic that will take care of itself. The water tower at the beach where I live (in Florida, not Greece, because remember, they don’t have water here) features a beach ball on top. Every tourist spends twenty minutes taking a perspective picture hugging or squeezing the beach ball, as if they were the first ones to think of it.

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Trying an objective approach by taking yourself out of the equation and/or empathizing with the other person’s point of view is one technique to expand your understanding and limited perspective. I’d also suggest you ask friends at work, “Am I being bullied?” and “Is this normal?” I’ll tolerate a naturally surly person much longer than someone who chooses not to be nice to me. All of us at BEHAVE Wellness have real jobs. We’re much more practical than bullying activists who would insist on not tolerating incivility for a second. They’re right, in a sense, but who really wants to hire or work with an overly sensitive person? By waiting to bring up an issue until you validate exactly what’s going on, you’ll be taken more seriously. If no one at work is trustworthy enough to ask these questions, that’s a problem right there. We’ve mentioned before that any relationship can tolerate so much more if there’s grace, occasional pockets of fun and joy, and the freedom to be who you are. Friends at work act as shock absorbers when customers, managers, and co-workers start grating you like a good Greek cheese.

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Grated Alive vs Hanging Out with Coworkers

Do I really have to spend unnecessary time with them when I already see their unattractive faces five days out of seven? The point is not to make fellow employees your besties or use them as an invincible bullying shield. It’s simply that enjoying their company makes “microaggressions” and annoying slights disappear, so when unruly behavior catches your attention, it probably is bullying. When someone is being rude to me at the hospital, one of my first thoughts is, “This is going to be a great story. I can’t wait to change enough details so it’s not gossip and tell all my work friends about this.” Granted, I’m weird and pride myself on being unoffendable, but grit your teeth and be friendly–it’s the only way to make friends.

What do you think? Am I making light of behavior you should report right away? Tell me your perspective in the comments, even if it’s wrong. Just kidding. If part of the problem is the learning curve at a new healthcare job, I’ve recently written guests posts about ventilators and CRNAs (including more thoughts about paradoxes and OR culture) you’re welcome to use as a resource.

 

 

In the Trenches with an International Assassin

Posted by behavewellness on April 25, 2018
Posted in: Corporate Wellness, Employee Health, Healthy Work Strategies, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

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The three of us (Shannon, Gina, and Nick) had a meeting the other day. We recently contributed to Nurse.com, Pfizer, and Minority Nurse, posting similar articles to our Media page, and wanted to discuss future projects. “You know what I’m not going to do? I’m not writing any more posts about Rick & Morty or Bitcoin or some other pop culture topic and force it into a blog post about bullying and job satisfaction,” said Nick. He lied.

True Memoirs of an International Assassin is a Netflix movie about a lonely writer plunged into dangerous situations he only understands theoretically. Everyone assumes his knowledge of explosives, weapons, and espionage originated from years of hands-on experience instead of Google searches to make his novel better. Watching Kevin James bumble on stage–by this point screenwriters needn’t bother with a different name for the earnest, hapless, chubby characters he always plays–reminded me of the saying, “If you can’t do, teach.” More specifically, I remember my undergraduate professors struggling to make themselves useful on nursing units while the employees mumbled, “She’d be a lot more helpful if she tried not to help.” I usually compare the differences between the academic and the clinical or practical approach in terms of a pointy-haired boss making the rules and subordinates following them, but sometimes there is more conflict and frustration when work relationships aren’t clearly defined. However, don’t idolize complete harmony–creative tension at work allows us to raise uncomfortable points that are usually more beneficial than forced tranquility and unity.

I started my career resembling the bespectacled gif above, frustrated with co-workers who could only articulate their decision making process as, “I just had a hunch” or, “I’ve seen this before so I know how to react.” Why couldn’t they see that their own experience limited the range of options in any situation? To those tasked with creating rules and procedures, the quick decisions others make based on immediately available data must seem like chaos. I felt patronized rather than heard, which of course is a huge complaint for many unappreciated employees. Bullying existed on both sides–I’d make fun of those who wouldn’t recognize a beta 1 adrenergic receptor if it made their heart pump furiously, earning the dubious nickname of “Tricky Nicky.” In return, they made a point of showcasing to everyone when my extensive theoretical knowledge caused me to miss something obvious and mundane. Although some people fall in the middle, the main difference between the two groups is this: either the idea of a rule, or not having a set of rules to follow, is terrifying.

Now I am on the extreme edge of those, um, working it. If someone announces a new protocol, I automatically probe it for loopholes and speculate how long I’ll have to appear to follow it before doing my own thing. Usually this mellows into “individualized care” for the patient, just like those with rule-based roles or tendencies excuse their propensities with phrases like “research based” or “the literature shows.” Often in my job, the classic example is the pharmacists who’ve read the latest studies and the nurse anesthetists who used the drug on a patient ten minutes ago. Even if the rule makers aren’t directly in charge of the people who make the product or provide the service, tension and the potential for conflict always exists. The rules and bureaucracy are out of touch and irrelevant. The quick fixes and Macguyverish behavior of the realists is reckless or short sighted.

By the end of the film, Kevin James is lethal. His creative ability to conjure mayhem and outsmart dictators and revolutionaries accustomed to a life of violence is only matched by his cerebral calculations and decision making. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking to hope the same at your workplace. If some sort of clipboard toting, machinery wielding hybrid doesn’t quite fit your job description, consider another way–an easier start, to be honest. Empathy. Understanding the other side. Realizing that they too have a job filled with constraints and tough decisions about what can be compromised. Giving that seemingly chaotic or boring coworker some grace is an easy start to a more cooperative and productive relationship.

Not to channel a creepy version of Mr. Rogers, but what kind of person are you? Do you bend rules whenever possible as Nick does, go above and beyond policies like Shannon, or fit in the middle like Gina?

Book Release!

Posted by behavewellness on January 19, 2018
Posted in: Bullying, Corporate Wellness, Employee Health, Finance, Healthy Work Strategies, Self Care, Student, toxic work environment. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

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Since all three of us are nurse anesthetists, we expected clients from healthcare once we launched our business, especially since we’ve written research articles, textbook chapters, and now books about various aspects of healthcare and wellness. We thought questions would come from our guest posts about bullying among nurses, or the nuances of work culture as we’ve discussed on FreshNP. To our surprise, the same two themes orbit work issues in the hospital OR, at McDonald’s, and in the cubicles with a pointy-haired boss: relationships and finances.

As much as we stress leaving work at work and home at home, the two overlap substantially. If they desperately need the money, employees will accept far more abuse at work than someone already ambivalent about their job. Perceived lack of support from a spouse or loved one amplifies unintentional slights at work to full-blown rejection. Self-care and wellness techniques help realign our perceptions closer to reality, limiting miscommunication and awkward misunderstandings. Work is inherently awkward, like any other activity where at least one party is only present because they are being paid to do so (think Uber, Airbnb, or that boy you bought pizza at lunch every Friday for a month so he’d go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with you).

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For a good time every time, observe other people’s awkwardness for a minute. That’s what much of How to Succeed in Anesthesia School is about–prospective students and seasoned clinicians quickly mastering social dynamics so they can concentrate on the next step on their career path. The quirky humor and irreverent satire may seem at odds with what BEHAVE Wellness stands for, but learning should be hilarious whenever possible. We’ve learned that a stiff, walk-on-eggshells work environment always has more problems than a cheerful place with blundering, authentic goofballs.  Besides:

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We should really eat before writing these posts. Subscribe on the right with your email address, and you’ll get these witty compliments every time we write a new post. So, besides new information on debt and investing wisely (but not necessarily conservatively–see our Bitcoin post) and balancing a successful career as a caregiver with satisfying, deep relationships, what else does the book teach? Topics include selecting a healthcare specialty, interviewing well, and the best ways to transform theoretical knowledge into something practical for patients. Lest it get too annoying and upbeat, one of the chapters is titled “Picking up the Charred Remains after you Crash and Burn”, not too dissimilar from the section “Cutting your Losses” in the relationships chapter. Best of all, this project comes with a free audiobook version narrated by the author.  For the three Americans who don’t have Amazon to buy a paperback or Kindle version, purchase a similar Nook/iBook/PDF here:

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Bitcoin Cash Bullying Bitcoin

Posted by behavewellness on December 20, 2017
Posted in: Finance, Student. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

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We’re not really going to talk about the title–it’s too much of a stretch from workplace bullying to competing cryptocurrencies. After all, you know a money maker has peaked when a blog like ours talks about it. We think the attraction to digital currencies on a blockchain is that the technology allows observable math algorithms to fairly solve problems and logistics that currently require subjective (or corrupt), expensive bureaucracy. A lot of the messages we’ve received lately ask questions like, “Can I invest in Bitcoin and make enough money to leave this lousy job,” and, “Is it possible to avoid all this student loan debt by buying cryptocurrencies?” One of our founders made a video today specifically addressing the second question:

Perhaps Bitcoin isn’t much of a segue from our usual topics–financial freedom allows you to walk away from a bad company, or at least make a job’s hourly rate only one factor out of many. Let’s say you’re comfortable in bed, watching a new show on Netflix, and it’s boring. No big deal, right? You reach for the remote–and realize it’s across the room. Trapped. Now this is serious. It’s the same with your career. A tolerable work culture becomes much less so if no other options exist.

There is no better way to make other people rich (like the state lotto) than to lurch desperately into a investment. Although we briefly considered a wellness blockchain, BEHAVE Wellness has no official or unofficial affiliation with any crypto currency or company. This sort of disclaimer is standard for discussions about stocks but virtually non-existent in the haphazard world of the blockchain, with new coins to tackle real and imagined problems appearing quicker than a child can spend tokens at Chuck E Cheese.

Alt coins, most of the worthless.

Especially for students, the key is not diversification beyond the four coins offered on Coinbase in exchange for American dollars, but simplification despite limited investment dollars. The technology is evolving so quickly that last month’s recommendations are already dated and obsolete. To store value and increase exponentially once hype fades, a coin needs real purpose and scarcity–Stellar and Ripple are compelling platforms with clear uses, but the presence of billions of coins can impact potential returns in the short term.  We’ll do our best to answer specific questions in the comments (the comment link is next to the tags below the post title), but remember that we can have a rational conversation about finance, or we can discuss Bitcoin.

 

 

Self-Care Isn’t Bath Bombs and Bonbons

Posted by behavewellness on November 20, 2017
Posted in: Corporate Wellness, Employee Health, Healthy Work Strategies, Self Care, toxic work environment. Tagged: , , , , , . 5 Comments

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If we had to describe BEHAVE Wellness in a word, it might not be “self-care”, but that would be high on the list, right after “attractive,” “effervescent,” and perhaps “intellect-searing genius.” An emotionally whole person who takes care of themselves doesn’t need us as often: it takes a truly toxic work culture or bullying relationship to require outside help. As our snowflake post revealed, living a life of offense makes compromise, teamwork, and tolerating weird people (including ourselves) a daily struggle. For further reading on self care, here‘s the article that inspired us, and check out our resources.

For both of our male readers, we should explain that a bath bomb is not a lethal explosive, but simply the evolution of the bubble bath.  They come in different scents (not flavors: BEHAVE Wellness strongly discourages the practice of drinking bath water).  Although they may feature the rich chocolate essence of bonbons, none of these scents are bacon, pine sap, or race car, so this concludes our explanation.

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I stand corrected.

We believe self-care is an extension of the idea, “Pray not for lighter burdens, but stronger shoulders.”  Simply put, some conflicts don’t have solutions or a trusted adult to hold your hand. Waiting around for everything to line up right or a joyful ambush from happiness is an exercise in stagnation, not patience. Among our other titles and roles, we’re all nurse anesthetists at BEHAVE Wellness, and do you know the medical term for stagnation? Gangrene. Self-care absolutely involves exquisite moments of bliss, inspiration, and pleasure. It is also enforcing boundaries that displease others and sometimes saying difficult words like, “I was wrong and I’m going to make this right.” Hmm, that’s not quite as singable as, “Let it go!”.

Before you cancel that massage and mud bath appointment, or throw away the decadent ice cream, this is not a post about austerity versus indulgence. We want to expand the definition of self-care, not limit it. It’s just that doing what’s best for yourself doesn’t always feel good. On occasion, it meets the needs of others at your expense. Fulfillment is a journey, not a destination. You may grasp fleeting moments of happiness if you pursue it with wild abandon, but in the meantime you’ll cause heartache for anyone in your path.

What self-care techniques work best for you? Is it yoga? Eating right and exercise? Serving others? A scheduled time of Netflix & Chill as sacred to you as a weekly Sabbath? Let us know in the comments.

 

 

Timeless Lessons from Rick and Morty

Posted by behavewellness on October 15, 2017
Posted in: Corporate Wellness, Employee Health, Healthy Work Strategies, toxic work environment. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

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“Everything is meaningless,” Solomon grumbled thousands of years before Rick and Morty became a hit show where characters scamper off to alternate universes to escape the devastation of their choices. The paradox of “everything matters” while “nothing matters” is uniquely compelling in the brittle social construct of today’s society (see Are you a Bullying Target or a Snowflake). We struggle to remember who we’re supposed to be mad at currently–McDonald’s, Dove, flag kneelers, or maybe the media for wasting our time with stories eventually revealed as fictional parables of our preferred narrative.

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Enough abstract ramblings. On the show, Rick destroyed everything in his way to get a discontinued condiment from McDonald’s, just because he could. McDonald’s sensed a chance for cross promotion and quickly whipped up a batch, but ran out and had to turn away angry crowds of customers without Szechuan sauce at multiple locations. The gulf between a delightful idea and actually seeing it through usually takes care of these problems. We can all attest to that from fabulous events we promised we would attend on Facebook, but never left the house for when the moment came.

The relevance here is the haunting thirst for community in our culture. To the executives who’ve questioned the need for businesses like ours, this serves as an example for how badly people want to be on a team and share an experience with others. A fleeting moment of spontaneous joy is priceless, or at least the going price on eBay for one of those sauce packets.

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On a side note, looks like eBay’s targeted ads want me to buy shampoo.  Since no one’s actually offering $20,000, let’s get a more accurate picture and see current bids.

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Wow, look how lucrative it can be to give someone a sense of belonging! That’s the message here, that whether out of sheer goodness or basic economics, fostering a sense of unity pays well.

Can you create that kind of culture at work? After all, when I was a traveling nurse, I noticed employees complained the same amount whether they were at a place with good teamwork or bad (I preferred the latter as the job security was unbeatable no matter how overpaid I was).  Whether an employee or employer, tackle this problem in bite-sized chunks, inserting sauce packet sized pockets of joy and comradery where possible. High turnover? Plan fabulous parties for everyone who leaves. Loneliness and superficial relationships causing misunderstanding? No one will show up for events outside of work, so start by breaking the ice in the office, even if you have to buy Nerf guns from the dollar store.

I realize that many of the rubber band wars I started at various workplaces were unprofessional, but sometimes a polite, frigid work space is the enemy of teamwork. Yes, zero-tolerance policies against bullying may be necessary, but in an environment where people can relax and occasionally enjoy themselves, careless comments sting less. What do you think? Do you agree that, just like Rick, we can just live for a moment without scrutinizing how much it matters? Not all that time, I mean, and as long as we don’t destroy the universe.

Dropping Bombs on Bullying

Posted by behavewellness on May 26, 2017
Posted in: Bullying, Employee Health, Healthy Work Strategies, toxic work environment, Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Today we are featuring Shannon’s story. She spoke about workplace bullying on the Dropping Bombs on Bullying podcast.

From her first job as a staff nurse until now, Shannon shared about the types of bullies she encountered–from the “Screaming Meanie” to the “Constant Critic”–and how they affected her. Her own struggle led her to travel to Bellingham, WA and become certified by Gary Namie’s Workplace Bullying Institute. Shannon learned how to cope and not accept the self blame.

One nugget from her journey to self-love and wholeness:

“Use professionals who specialize in workplace bullying: corporations are very good at combating this, so the first lawyer or therapist with a Groupon might not be the best choice.”

That doesn’t come natural in today’s data or app driven world of quick fixes–many of our competitors simply use algorithms to solve problems. Both the target and the bully often need an individual approach rather than a blanket one. Remember, “Work shouldn’t hurt.” Workplace shootings trend for a day, but the news never follows up with the back story. This is the reality of workplace psychological violence that can turn physical.

So the solution is more rules, right? Bullying policies often don’t work because fear of retaliation causes under-reporting. Take a step back to avoid tunnel vision and really understand what is going on in your workplace. We are here to help, whether in the comments section or our resources and services. As you process how to respond in your own situation, remember Dr. Sood’s quote,

“Dominance may impress, but it is humility that inspires.”

You can also listen to Shannon’s story and insight into workplace bullying on iTunes.

 

Are you a Bullying Target or a Snowflake?

Posted by behavewellness on May 22, 2017
Posted in: Bullying, Student, toxic work environment. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

We were invited to talk about bullying in healthcare by our good friend and author, Kati Kleber. Increasingly, we’ve all been asked to address this by nursing students feeling powerless in the classroom and in clinical settings. Similar to interns and graduate students, the common thread is continual evaluation by others higher on the totem pole–who themselves may be bullied by their superiors. We incorporated much of the current literature in our discussion on FreshRN, and some of it is surprising (and vicious).

So are we saying that not every nurse is as virtuous as the saintly one above? Bullying is surprisingly common in helping professions, even in churches. The top five bullying behaviors nursing students experience are nonverbal innuendos, verbal affront, undermining actions, withholding information, and sabotage. As opposed to being shoved on the playground, this sometimes requires perception and awareness of the social environment to even realize it’s happening. That’s why bullying is so common and devastating in learning environments. From a personal standpoint, several of us can remember times where we had to choose between learning 100% of the knowledge we needed for the day or being charming and socially adroit, because both required total concentration.

One reason that toxic learning environments are so consuming is the concept of a “snowflake”–an overly sensitive, dogmatic person, as opposed to six sided crystalline ice precipitation. It’s important to consider how other students are being treated, and how distant reality may be from our perceptions of being bullied. This is where others come in, although Behave Wellness would be better suited for that than a college ombudsperson (what do they do anyway?) or hospital HR department. Not that anyone’s life has been changed through a blog comment, but tell us your story below and we will do our best to help. Any professionals you use should be familiar with bullying so they can give you wise and relevant advice.

Bullying in Healthcare–Gina’s Thoughts

Posted by behavewellness on March 23, 2017
Posted in: Bullying, Corporate Wellness, Employee Health. Leave a comment
Today we’re profiling the views of one of our founders about the profession the three of us work in every day.
My name is Gina Chiplonia-Swircek DNP, CRNA, PhD(c). I am Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA) and also a founding member of the company BEHAVE Wellness (Bullying, Elimination, Health Advocacy, and Violence Education). The topic of bullying in healthcare is a passion of mine and I am currently finishing my dissertation on the experiences of Student Registered Nurse Anesthetists (SRNAs) with Bullying while in their education and training program to become a CRNA. I am a United States Air Force veteran CRNA and currently employed by a fairly large anesthesia group in the Philadelphia area and also provide independent anesthesia services to many surgical and gastroenterology centers throughout Pennsylvania.

Bullying Affects Performance and Finances

Bullying in healthcare is an increasingly complex issue and is repeated, health harming mistreatment ranging from verbal abuse and humiliation to threats, sabotage, and worse. The well-being of nurses is directly correlated to bullying behaviors. Attention needs to return to the nurse’s health; as a “Health Care” industry we seem to have forgotten kindness and concern for our own.
Ignoring this behavior is unethical, expensive, and affects teamwork and collaboration between nurses, physicians and other departments necessary for multidisciplinary care of our customers–patients. They may become indirect victims of nurse bullying. This destructive activity can compromise patient’s safety when they are already in a vulnerable state. Distractions have serious potential to harm patients.
Targets are often individuals who are well liked, highly educated, morally and ethically correct, non-aggressive, and do their job well. Many Targets “self-blame,” when in reality, they did nothing to provoke the bullying behavior and abuse. This can prevent Targets from taking steps to end the bully’s psychological violence and can spiral into self-destruction.
Above all, when confronted with workplace bullying, your health and well-being need to come first. Maintaining wellness is of paramount importance. As each of us are individuals, so are the paths to recovery and wellness. Each target must define “happiness” for themselves. Some wellness activities that may help with healing can include journaling, meditation, yoga, exercise, doing volunteer activities, eating healthy and taking part in other personal hobbies.
If you know a Target at your institution, you can act as a source of support by being an empathetic and nonjudgmental listener to the Target’s reality. Confirming and validating their story is significant. Educating and encouraging Targets to document what is happening to them, obtaining other co-workers’ experiences, and referring them to outside sources of advice such as a therapist and/or attorney will assist in the healing process.
Workplace employee wellness and human resources departments may not always be beneficial places of support for bullied nurses. Ultimately they work for the corporation and have their best interest in mind, not yours. An oppressive work culture can often extend past the barriers of a nursing unit.

Deflecting Personal Questions at Work

Posted by behavewellness on March 4, 2017
Posted in: Bullying, Corporate Wellness, Healthy Work Strategies. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment
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The Office–NBC

We recently assisted Cheat Sheet with the topic, “How to Answer These 6 Questions from your Nosy Coworkers“. If you read the article, make sure to click on “View All” for a better reading experience. The problem is that we previously noticed a similar question posed on a Facebook group for healthcare professionals, and most of the answers consisted of bullying and shaming the curious coworker into pensive submission. That’s kinda the opposite of what we’re all about here at BEHAVE Wellness.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to use the situation to get your jollies, as evidenced by Nick’s most cherished comeback when confronted with a bullying intruding coworker attempting unsettling questions: “I look really serious and say things like, ‘Cheetahs can only charge at 65 mph for about a quarter mile, but the key is in the flexibility of their spine.’ They get unsettled trying to find the passive or aggressive meaning behind my nonsensical statement and leave me alone. Forever.”

Cheetah Run

While we don’t typically advocate messing with people’s minds by discussing feline hunting attributes, this situation is usually one you’ll have to creatively handle yourself. Unless the perpetrator starts asking, “Why don’t you look as pretty as you used to,” most intentionally Nosy Nancy’s are crafty enough to avoid questions that could send them to HR or the boss’s office. Trying to be passive-aggressive won’t help, and “putting them in their place” only contributes to a toxic work environment. Another pitfall is trying too hard–remember that your coworker may be innocently curious. Is it really worth it to take focus away from work to craft perfect answers that won’t reveal personal information but serve to move them right along? Feel free to answer that question in the comments.

Oh, here are some other ideas if sounding like a Discovery Channel narrator somehow doesn’t get the job done. Excuse yourself. Give boring or vague answers. Ask, “Why do you want to know?” Respond with your own personal question–this serves to gauge the questioners intent. Respond with humor or be straight-forward about the fact that you don’t like being asked personal questions. As that last sentence highlights, we really believe in staying true to ourselves. Our most authentic self is the only sustainable one, so try to lead in a manner consistent with who you are, rather than striving to be plain spoken or assertive or funny and spontaneous.